filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Randomize
