Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
