do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
