there were more penises there than on chat roulette
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
