I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
