There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
