I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
