ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
My penis needs a shock collar
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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