Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
