sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
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