playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I intend to get homeless drunk
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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