Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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