im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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