I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
