I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
