Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
