New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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