I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
