after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
