U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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