dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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