im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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