cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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