i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
