I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
