I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
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