Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
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