i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
