As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Randomize
