we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
