I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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