someone owes me an orgasm
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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