I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
She said her name was "party"
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
