: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
