I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
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Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
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So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
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