I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
