dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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