Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize