y did u give ur computer a hand job?
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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