plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
