Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
