The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize