peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
