Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
