Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Randomize
