Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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