you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
