hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
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I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
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Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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