I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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