shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
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Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
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Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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