He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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