god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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