I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
