worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
they're like a gay fantastic four
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
