shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
