i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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