Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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