there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
