It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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