I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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