i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
