I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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