I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
