there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
