he thought i was a dude.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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