i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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