3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
