Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
